Could someone please translate what this man is saying, because I don't understand a damned word of it.....catchy tune though, lol!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING?!

A BLOODY, BIG ASS MUTANT SPIDER!
IF I FOUND THIS IN MY HOUSE, I WOULD LEAVE AND NEVER RETURN!

I love this picture, just love it!

OMG, THIS IS THE KINDA CHOCOLATE I NEED!!!!

LIKE BUSTA RHYMES SAYS "GIMME SOME MORE!"

This is so cool!

These so called feline things will forever haunt my dreams.......WTF IN GOD'S GREEN EARTH ARE THEY?!